How many of us achieved success in the career fields we imagined as a teen? You are the fortunate few whose passion and talents were recognized early. For the rest of us, we hit a few bumps before we got into our stride. As for me, ever since my sophomore year in college, I wanted to be a Birmingham street cop. I studied diligently for it and I dreamed of helping others. Although my test scores dazzled, it was not to be. The one thing I could not change – poor vision – kept me off the force. As Allen Saunders said, “Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans.” This marked my first lesson in resiliency in the workplace but would be far from my last. As a woman entering the Army in the 70s, I heard “no” more times than I can recall. I eventually thrived on “no.” I built sensible career plans that promoted successes I never envisioned possible but I got bruised up along the way. The good news is that bruises heal and there are proactive steps you can take to minimize them.
- Form alternative plans
- Foster strong relationships
- Expect conflict; treat it neutrally
- Play to your strengths
- Master your self-care
Form alternative plans. If you have your heart set on one path, you are bound to get it broken. There are no perfect plans. As I was taught in the Army, “it’s not about the plan, it’s about planning.” Know what goes into a plan so if one choice falls by the wayside, you already know your alternative choices. Make a 1, 3, 5-year plan and modify it yearly. Examine ways to link your future plans to your present life and make a backwards plan. If you need specific experience, education or training, decide when, where, and how to achieve it. Too often I find talented people who have inadvertently sabotaged future possibilities by only focusing on today’s achievements. It is a great lesson to learn early in one’s career that if you want to be somewhere tomorrow, you have to give up something today.
Foster strong relationships. Relationships, whether they be with bosses, subordinate, peers and friends, are all important. Learn to include some people you are not particularly enamored with. There will be a time when a person with a particular skill is essential to a project or contract you are leading and having that person on your team might be the game changer. By far, however, develop your peer relationships. Value their achievements as you value your own. Give help and time to them without being asked. If you have not realized it yet, it is awfully hard to help others without helping yourself. As you expand your circle of peers, look for people that take you out of your comfort zone. I call it “playing up.” I like people who challenge me intellectually and experientially. After all, if you want to become a better person or team, you must find ways to elevate your game and you get that by playing with the best.
Expect conflict, treat it neutrally. Are you the person that runs head first into every challenge? That works a lot of the time. In fact, it can be exhilarating to occasionally work under tight time constraints. There are five basic modes to managing conflict: competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding, and accommodating. Learn to use all of them. I enjoy competing on many levels but not all tasks are equally important. Use these times to build the team-of-the-future. If you are the leader, use your skills to have quieter team members offer ideas. I do this by asking questions requiring something other than a “yes” or “no” answer such as “Bill, it looks like there are several tasks in your area during Phase 1 of this task. Please walk me through the possible high risk areas and tell me if there is a better way of doing this.” Collaborating takes trust and time and more simple challenges can help lay the foundation for enhancing teamwork. There are instruments on the market that can measure what your preferred mode is but asking your friends, family, and co-workers is a quick way to start. Accept what they say at face value, without measuring if it is “good” or “bad.” Whatever mode you use, do so with compassion, respect, and dignity. It might be you on the other side of the desk one day.
Play to your strengths. What differentiates you from anyone else at your place of work? My real strength is bringing great talent onto the team, providing them needed resources, and getting out of their way. I figured out early in my career that I love leading teams; particularly high-performing ones. People like winning and it is difficult to keep race horses in the barn so I particularly like solving hard problems under tight time constraints. It took a couple of decades, getting bruised up along the way, to become comfortable managing this kind of risk. Conduct your own 360 evaluation if your workplace does not provide them. Ask bosses, subordinates, and peers what areas you excel in and what areas you need to work on. Be prepared to hear some things you may not want to hear. Ask for examples of both. Be ready when others ask you to “tell me about yourself.” Stick with 3-5 bullet responses and provide the same answers to all who ask so that you will become known for your areas of expertise; a sort of self-branding. Warning: if you go past five bullets, your message will be lost.
Master your self-care. The earlier you learn this, the better off you will be. We all go through periods of work that are more hectic than other times. I lived my military career going “all in” for extended periods of time. Make a bucket list and plan for checking off that list when the workload lightens. The list may include a vacation to a particular location, family time, social gatherings with friends, fitness activities, additional training, or whatever you have determined revitalizes you. This list will change over time. For instance, I used to enjoy a long jog in the mornings to clear my head for the day. I still enjoy those but substitute some days with a round of golf or a walk with my dog. The knees and back are not what they used to be. Now that I have more time, I also plan healthier meals using the skills I picked up in culinary school. Remember to include others in your plan. Even if you do all the other suggestions, if you fail to master self-care, you will become ripe for burn out. Self-care is essential to resiliency.
Are there other things that you can add to the list? Of course, and you should, but these five provide a starting place. As with all things in leadership, be intentional. Spend time reflecting about what has worked for you in the past when you needed to bounce back and try out at least two additional ones. When you find yourself in conflict situations, work to remain neutral and use a tone and words that allow others to hear you. Not only is life better when you share it but others can keep you on track.