Being “First”

N. Lee S. Price

Major General (Retired), U.S. Army

 

Stillman College, one of Alabama’s Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCU), recently honored me as one, among a dozen, of women achieving “firsts” in our selected fields. It was a wonderful day with some amazing women lead by the first female president of Stillman, Dr. Cynthia Warrick. Dr. Warrick has a warm, soft spoken style. Like the other “Female Firsts” celebrated that day, she is a pioneer and transformative leader. Every woman had her own personal story about fighting against the odds to achieve their dreams. Several themes were common, while others were individually unique. The stories caused me to reflect upon how a middleclass, athletic girl from the 70s made it into the senior ranks of the Army. It’s a topic I could spend a day on, but let’s just talk about a few topics.

 

  • Align your passion and strengths
  • Being “first” is harder than it looks
  • Equal opportunity brings with it, equal responsibility
  • Stay humble

 

Aligning your passion and strengths requires a genuine ability to understand your strengths and how to use them to support a career field you are passionate about. Unfortunately, great opportunities may arise, and we may not be ready for them or they are the wrong opportunities for us personally. For instance, let’s take the example of an individual having the opportunity to attend college and become the first family member to graduate. What a tremendous opportunity; these are the dreams we live for! But now, let’s assume that this student enjoys working with computers, writing code, and exploring new technologies but hates sitting in a classroom listening to theoretical discussions. The parents of this student may have unrealistic expectations for their child. This mismatch of passion and strengths of the potential student will not produce happiness. For a simple example of an alignment that works, let’s look at veterinarians. Most grew up surrounded by a variety of animals that they loved to tend to and aligned their compassion into a career they are passionate about. This is the kind of alignment that brings lifelong happiness. Aim for that.

 

Being “first” sounds so simple but it is anything but…. it’s complicated. Your credentials must be stellar, and you will be tested. You are becoming the first – this is big. Your “first” is a catalyst of change. It can be both exhilarating and terrifying.   Upon becoming a “first,” the spotlight is on. You will become conspicuously present, and all eyes will watch you to see if you succeed or if you blow it for the hopeful others coming behind you. When I was a major, I had a male, three star general (only 11 generals in the Army outranked him) handwrite a note to me for the leadership opportunity he helped secure for me. The note said, “blow this and you are in real trouble.” As the saying goes – no pressure! So, put in the preparation hours required to be the best at the aspirational tasks you seek. And…. don’t blow it. Others are counting on you.

 

Equal opportunity brings with it, equal responsibility. I grew up during the 70s when “equal opportunity” caused men and women alike to debate what women could or could not do. Occupations traditionally held by men were now sought by talented women desiring a fulfilling career. At times, the competition felt like it was all the men (98% of the Army was male) against one woman at-a-time trying to sneak in the side door. Seeing a female officer was rare in the 1970s. Seeing a female general officer in 2018 is still rare. In fact, it’s tantamount to seeing a real, life unicorn. It was difficult for men to counsel me in my early years, because they had NO experience counseling women. They didn’t know how, so they didn’t try. I wanted to give more to the officers under my care. I counseled with all, but particularly focused on minorities and women to counsel about what it takes to achieve success in the Army. And for the ladies, we jointly share the burden of appropriate office discussion with the people sitting in the room with us. And men, if you aren’t sure what’s appropriate, please ask. Don’t let inappropriate comments go unchallenged. Learn to speak up and have lively debates without being offensive. Tone matters. Don’t tacitly approve someone’s careless comment by remaining silent, it may have been made in ignorance. Kindly correct them. Just as important, when each of us take a step up the ladder, reach back and help others make to the next rung. It’s a responsibility. We all arrive to our station in life because we stood on the shoulders of others. Now…. it’s your turn and responsibility to shoulder others.

 

Stay humble. No one likes a sore winner and, folks, the workplace can feel like a battlefield that, at times, divides us into winners and losers. Exercise your interpersonal skills. Thank people publicly. Let them know how much you care and that you owe your success to their collective achievements. Be lavish with your praise. You may be the captain of the ship, but no one achieves success without the tremendous sweat equity of those that perform the actual work.  One day I was out on the golf course, when then-President Bush halted his golf cart and engaged me in conversation. I supported him in one of my projects at that time. When I started my drive home, I called my mom who reported out on her busy week. When she asked me, what was new with me, I eagerly told her that I had just had a conversation with the President. Her next comment was, “of what?” Moms have a special way of keeping our feet on the ground so if you struggle with staying humble, perhaps it is time to check in with your mom. I was always grateful to mine for keeping me humble, although with a few minor infractions.